First Love is distinguishing and excluded from common love stories or novels because of its disappointing feeling is through the whole novel.But in fact，Gwendoline Riley never uses this word——disappointing.We could feel it because the tone used by her is sad，hopeless and despairing，even when she describes those sweet moments.Even if the sweet actions occur，the feeling of disappointing could not be gotten rid of.We could see easily that the protagonist in First Love——Neve feels extremely disappointed with her marriage.

Neve and her husband Edwyn did have some sweet little pet actions between themselves and actually these actions came out quite often.For example，they called each other by pet names； they cuddled anywhere，from landing to a kitchen，while making some provocative sound from their throat.We could never ignore the feeling of the relationship between them.But it was more like out of responsibility.Anyway，lacking love，cohabiting is more like a play house game.These sweet moments，in the opinion of Neve，maybe just like the feeling of being hugged by Edwyn.She was covered in sweat.The sweet moments were also like the sweat—thick，cold and oily.Because they did not have any passion in their relationship.If you do have some passion，boredom never exists.

Neve and Edwyn could suddenly burst out a quarrel even they talked smoothly and peacefully before.If you could imagine this kind of scene，you will find it existing in daily life，maybe between your mother and father，or between your partner and you.Not until it is displayed in First Love，do I really realize that how hurtful when this kind of thing happens.In Edwyn’s eyes，two seconds before，Neve was Miss Pusskins，but now she is nothing more than a dirty cunt.Heart-breaking，isn’t it？

Maybe the marriage should not begin at first.Neve said that this marriage was against both of their instincts.They got together only because they were suitable.Edwyn was more likely hold a relatively negative attitude towards female.He could admit in front of Neve that although Neve was his number one，he did need two women.But he would never forgive Neve for her ONS with another guy.In his opinion，his combination with Neve was because she needed to rely on him and she had sex obsession with him.You see，self-righteous men never understand women.

Obviously，it is not a healthy marriage and I am always waiting for them to break up with each other.What is more，I want to know how long could Neve bore her husband.But actually，on the last page of this novel，they said farewell to each other.It takes too long，long enough for readers to feel despaired too.Honestly，struggling in the relationship instead of getting out is one of the reasons that they were always living a disappointing life.

Life of Neve was appalling.It was horrible not only because her life was awful but more likely to because of the repeating situation of her life

and she could not do anything to make a change.She used to pin her hope on moving and on the time，but ultimately moving and the time both disappointed her.She barely drank，but at that moment she realized that spirits are only helpful to forget problems temporarily.They never help to solve problems.Abstaining from alcohol，she saw more clearly that not one thing changes，about who she is and what she is.She was staying in a city besieged.She tried to change but all seemed in vain.

Neve wanted a normal family，but her father died and her mother was hopeless.Actually，the mother was more like a daughter while the daughter was more mature than her mother.I mean，at least，Neve was not shuttling from one man to another.Nevertheless，her mother once tried to be “looking approachable” all night.Every time Neve met her mother，her mother was same as usual.She had nothing to do with that.

Undoubtedly，Neve disliked her life，while she could not do anything about it.Maybe at the end of the novel，leaving Edwyn would be a new beginning for her.Anyway，I hope so.But I am not sure whether she could escape from the feeling of disappointment or not.But maybe，love is just that one second before you want to kiss someone but the second next you want to kill him.